The Beautiful You

Yes, I Have a Problem.

So on my about me page I mentioned in my on going rant about how high school was bla. . . bla. . . bla. . . That I had a problem with my own self image all throughout my first few years of high school. This is entirely true but is miss the detail that I still have a problem with my appearance. 
As do most girls during almost every part of their lives.  Being blunt when I look in the mirror I hate what I see: short, thunder thighs, a turned up nose, facial pimples here and there, and curly hair that has a mind of it's own. I feel that I am "fat" and see every little imperfection on my body including things that are not even there. I can promise you that almost everyone has had this feeling sometime or another and that your not alone. . . But that doesn't make it any better does it? 

I am blessed in many different ways; I have a loving wonderful family who encourages me in everything I do, I have endless opportunities each and every day, and I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me no matter what I am wearing or how I think I look. He says, "Sie, I'm a Sierra guy. I love you just the way you are, you look amazing." each and every time I hint at an insecurity. Hmph. As cliche, sweet, sensitive, and loving as that statement sounds it never hits me at home plate. Which brings me to my next point. When you feel this way not one thing someone else says changes the way you see yourself in the mirror, even if they say you look fantastic. In our minds we could always look better.   


The Issue.

It's embarrassing to say but I have to admit that I once and still have an eating problem. Hold on! No, that does not mean I am anorexic or crazy in the head. It simple means that I am very compulsive and controlling on what I eat. 

In the past years I used to be a binge eater, I would go all day without eating with the fear that I would gain ten pounds by eating an apple. Then later when I finally gave in I wouldn't always eat a huge amount but would eat very high fat, high calorie dense food. All this being said even though I was drastically trying to lose weight I was either maintaining or gaining weight. It frustrated me often, almost to the point of tears. That was when I took the next step. I continued my binge eating but when I finally would eat I would, not long after, force myself to up-chuck the food I just consumed. Then after I would weigh myself to ensure that I was losing weight and not gaining anything. This, for those of you who don't know if a very, very bad thing. It is unhealthy in every which way and is a very hard problem to fix.

My Solutions. . . So Far. 
Near the end of my junior year I was back on track trying to find out who I really was. So, with my parents consent I started experimenting with my diet trying to find a healthy way to lose weight. Because even though I was a healthy 130 pounds for my petite 5'1 frame, I felt that I could still be smaller. What was my first step? 
  1. Diet Change: The diet change was that started it all. After experimenting with the Paleo diet, the Abs diet for women, and a vegetarian diet; I finally found one that is right for me. A whole Plant Based Diet' otherwise known as Vegan. Veganism (/ˈviːgənɪzəm/) is the practice of abstaining from the use of animal products, particularly in diet, as well as an associated philosophy that rejects the commodity status of sentient animals.
  2. I Stuck With It: The problem that I see most often, in all of my years of experience (Haha.) Is that people tend to start and diet and then eventually fold under pressure or their love for food. Don't worry I can relate. The reason I believe I was able to go cold turkey so quickly was because of my semi-OCD view and personality, however for others this might pose as a struggle. All I can say is if it is truly something you want to do, you will be able to do it.    
  3. Exercising for Fun: For those of you who are not aware I play tennis and am actually signing to play Division 1 tennis next year (yes, it's a serious thing.) But nonetheless, my third step is exercising when you want to because you want to, not because you feel you have to. For me, practice used to be all about burning the calories and shedding water weight. (We're not all wrestlers!) But now I listen to my body and exercise when I want to because it is fun. Plain and simple. Being honest how I started making this transition was going to practice and keeping a smile on my face the entire time.  
  4.  *Getting Rid of the Scale: This one gets a little black star because I am still currently making this adjustment. Being brutally honest it was impossible for me to go cold turkey, seeing that number on the scale was very important to me. Currently I have whittled it down to only weighing myself once per week with the occasional rush and panic weigh in. Why not just throw the scale away? Good question! First of, I tried that at first, not giving myself the opportunity to see the number. But eventually it started affecting how I was eating on a day to day basis because I was worrying about what the scale would say if I had it. I call this "the phantom scale affect." In conclusion, this works better as a step by step process for me, but it could be different for you! 

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